


waffling

by seriousmoonIight



Category: No More Heroes (Video Games)
Genre: Waffle House
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23960464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seriousmoonIight/pseuds/seriousmoonIight
Summary: parallel timeline where they meet for the first time in a waffle house instead of a nightmare burger.the file name on my computer just says 'waonfle house' for some reason and i think that about sums up the words about to follow.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	waffling

“Travis Touchdown! You killed my brother!”

“Brother?! I barely knew her!”

“Can I get a waffle?”

Kamui Uehara’s last, tacked-on request went seemingly unnoticed beneath the sound of clashing beam katanas.

He grimaced, staring wistfully down at his empty plate. It had been a long day of layovers into the States; although, he figured, it was about to get longer, if the two assassins brawling it out behind the counter were any indication.

America was fucking _awful_ , he had decided, worst of all this sprawling state called ‘Texas’. Empty space, miles and miles of it, was in ample supply here, and lonely souls could live as _far_ from their fellow man as they wanted. People were not packaged into neat little homes and train cars - they drove roaring trucks across the desert and lived in cavernous mansions and had appetites to match the size of whatever void they were trying to fill.

He supposed there was a certain freedom to it, and few men better embodied this irresponsible, hungry sense of freedom than Travis Touchdown.

Kamui had never _met_ the man, of course, but his reputation preceded him. Some worthless, deadbeat otaku turned local hero and international sensation practically overnight by an iconic killing spree unlike any other.

Well, _almost_ any other, he thought wryly. But that was Japan, many decades ago. Americans didn’t really care about that sort of thing until it suited them. Politics and conspiracy were sore subjects easily forgotten, glossed over on the nightly news by sensational tales of violence and scandal. Besides, wasn’t it much easier just to latch onto the life of a celebrity and watch them slash their way to the top? Forget the “real world” bullshit. 

Kind of like how Kamui’s order had been completely forgotten amidst the 3AM grudge match in the Waffle House.

“Can I _please_ get a waffle?”

*

The waffle thing kind of registered in the back of Travis’ brain, but not deep enough to make a dent.

He had other shit to worry about anyways.

Helskel Terter (can you fucking believe that? who names their kids this shit?) slammed his forehead into the door of an industrial refrigerator and any thought of breakfast food disappeared entirely.

“Don’t get cute with me, asshole.” The albino assassin brought a knee directly up into his jaw (damn, won’t be able to suck dick with that for at least a week) and watched him drop to the tile floor. “You may have the luxury of forgetting the names and faces, but we all remember yours, _Crownless King. The No More Hero._ ” The last two epithets were spat in a mocking tone, words dripping with venomous disgust.

Travis flopped on the ground uselessly as he tried to get up for a few moments (gotta button smash a little harder there, champ), before finding his beam katana and then taking (and whiffing) a sweeping kick at his opponent.

“Can’t say I know those guys either.”

He spun again, kicking Helskel squarely in the chest and knocking her back a few feet. And then the all-too-familiar finishing move - get a good grip, give it a good swing, and let momentum do the rest. Suplex City, baby.

Of course he _fucking_ remembered the names and faces. He practically ghostwrote the obituaries for the _Santa Destroy Daily_. You could fill a phonebook with the shit rattling around in his memory.

_Helter Skelter, January 22, 2008. Decapitated on the roof of [REDACTED]. Douche. Survived by younger brother Skelter Helter, real name Vincent [REDACTED]. January 26, 2010. Also decapitated. Also a douche._

In a past life, he might have said fuck the health codes, fuck the cleanup - this _bitch_ is losing her head, right here and now, in this Waffle House. But …

The past was something he had left in Santa Destroy, checked at the door as he boarded the flight to Texas, and never picked up from the baggage claim.

Anyways, something about watching a grown-ass man pleading for a single waffle made Travis stay his sword hand.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. helskel terter (thank you) is of course, the younger sister of h.s and s.h from the first two games. she suspiciously resembles aerith ff7 and her weapon is a beam katana/folding chair 
> 
> 2\. YES its that vine


End file.
